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Issue #4:  "Let's Do the Time Warp Again!"

Written by Tom Lynch

“Can you please go outside so I can work on this in peace?” - BINARY

“Didn’t you know that dwarf-tossing was outlawed?” - SPARKPLUG

“It seemed like a good idea at the time…” - MINI-TAUR

“Awroo?” - STEGOSAURUS

“Whoop-whoop-whoop… Hey, Moe!” - RAMPAGE!

As we join our intrepid band of heroes, we find them mocking a newspaper article featuring Gibson Drena, the current local boy-genius human interest success story.  Nothing makes losers feel better than insulting winners.  Drew (Mini-Taur) is particularly amused by the news photo.

DA MARE thoughtfully invites OUR HEROES to guard over the presentation of Gibson’s newest experiment.  Sure, it sounds like a demand, but that’s just our loveable MAYOR LINDEN.  What a kidder.  After all, how could they turn down a chance to participate in advancing science?  Wait a minute… did he say, “participate”?

OUR HEROES show up at the exhibit hall, to find a large-scale news conference which fills the auditorium.  They react in their own imitable fashion.

MAYOR LINDEN corrals his GUARDIANS with (relatively) minimal argument, and they approach the stage to join him as he presents Gibson.  Apparently, this Chicago teen is an amazingly-accomplished inventor for his young age.  No one would expect that he could top his last innovation- the anti-gravity Slinky (it walks upstairs—alone or in pairs).  The crowd hushes expectantly as Gibson dramatically introduces his invention… a cardboard refrigerator box.

GIBSON announces his experiment: He intends to send himself and OUR HEROES 30 minutes into the future and return.  SPARKPLUG gets tired of waiting around for the theatrics, and jumps right into the machine along with the geek inventor himself.  With some threats from DA MARE, the rest of the GUARDIANS also enter.  OUR HEROES hear pandemonium from the auditorium.  Then, suddenly, a bright ball of light flies straight into the time machine, just as GIBSON activates his latest invention.

When OUR HEROES awaken, they notice some interesting changes; the machine's interior (curiously larger than the external box itself, but only slightly) looks the same.  But, within the box they discover LT. SARA FINN (last seen sinking underwater in Issue #3: So Long and Thanks for All the Fish).  LT. FINN is out cold, making her even worse of a conversationalist than usual.  RAMPAGE! attempts to revive LT. FINN.  (This is not surprising, considering that both MINI-TAUR and SPARKPLUG detested her, whereas he merely disliked her.)   However, he has no success in finding life-signs.  Concurrently, GIBSON announces that he must determine where- or when- they are!

SPARKPLUG charges ahead with MINI-TAUR and RAMPAGE! in tow to look outside.  They find a tropical oasis, distinctly out of place in the City of Chicago, or the 21st Century for that matter.  They are soon joined by GIBSON (now dressed in his attempt at a costume)- and another new heroine, SERAPHIM!  It seems that LT. FINN awakened despite her lack of vital signs… <ahem>… and instinctively changed her appearance to a glowing, winged angel!  SPARKPLUG is unimpressed.  OUR HEROES use their usual lack of planning to split up, and explore the area while also working to restore the Time Machine.  RAMPAGE! shunts his molecular self to the top of a tree to spy on a plant-eating dinosaur (!), as SERAPHIM flies in slow circles with MINI-TAUR.  BINARY applies his genius to consider using SPARKPLUG’s electrical jolts to re-charge his machine’s batteries, only to learn that he cannot determine OUR HEROES relative position in the time continuum.  What will they do next?

Well, heck, what would you do?  They start walking!  As they begin their random travels, they encounter a group of hungry hippos in a clearing.  But wait!  Those aren’t hippos- they’re DINOSAURS!  Those four nasty T-REXes try to make snacks of OUR HEROES, but surprisingly little challenge.  MINI-TAUR and RAMPAGE! make short work of two of them, knocking them out of the action quickly with a Horn Gore and Sumo Slap, respectively.  BINARY, SPARKPLUG, and SERAPHIM gang up on the others, and the GUARDIANS are back on the road again.  Soon thereafter, SERAPHIM reacts oddly, shouting in pain and faltering in flight.  She falls, and RAMPAGE! rushes to catch her.  SERAPHIM relays an ominous warning of danger she detected.

MINI-TAUR then suggests a strategy to get a look beyond the tree canopy.  He asks RAMPAGE! to give him a boost up to the top of a tree, planning to use his Acrobatics skill to catch an upper branch.  Going up is not a problem- since RAMPAGE! unfortunately chose to use his full, considerable strength to toss our favorite miniature minotaur- but when MINI-TAUR missed catching the branch up above, it was an ugly fall, and uglier landing.

Fortunately, OUR HEROES were lucky to learn of another power of our new buddy SERAPHIM, as she healed MINI-TAUR back into awareness.  With hardly an annoyed sidelong glance at RAMPAGE!, he took point again to find the source of SERAPHIM’s warning.  This time, BINARY helped him up the tree, and searching in the correct direction, he saw a cave up ahead.

After climbing up to the cavern entrance, RAMPAGE! sneaks in, and everybody else stomps past him.  So much for subtlety, but that’s OUR HEROES!  Within the cave, they hear an odd noise…

Sure enough, it is a BAT-BOY!  OUR HEROES enter the sub-cavern, to encounter four more dinosaurs- STEGOSAURUS this time- and BAT-BOY!  It seems that the butt-ugly villain is none-too-pleased with our newest hero BINARY; BINARY is nonplussed about it in any case.

Well, folks, OUR HEROES are getting better with practice.  This battle is a beat-down slug-fest.  SPARKPLUG and BINARY get right to work with lightning bolts and mental blasts to confuse and deter the DINOSAURS.

RAMPAGE! goes hog-wild beating up the poor DINOSAURS and BAT-BOY, slapping them silly and teleporting into them.  His mental state is happier than normal, but not really saner.

He also tried a tag-team maneuver with MINI-TAUR, tossing the tiny terror across the room towards BAT-BOY; unfortunately, his aim stinks.  Needless to say, the impact with the rock wall was not pretty— even worse than the ground before.

SERAPHIM helped MINI-TAUR get back in time for clean-up, and BINARY takes control.  He mind-reads BAT-BOY to get more information about where he came from, and how he got here.  It turns out that he is a future lab-assistant of GIBSON (BINARY) himself!  He hates him for stranding him here in the past.  (And by the way- how did BAT-BOY control those DINOSAURS anyway?  OUR HEROES find a bag of “Dino Kibbles”- that explains it.) 

It would not be a GUARDIANS adventure without a debate: OUR HEROES talk through all the options, and ultimately decide the least trouble is to leave BAT-BOY behind to avoid disturbing the time stream (and thereby ensuring that he will hate BINARY forever…), hop into the Time Machine, and are on the way!  But, to where- or when?  That story next time.

Villains Encountered: